Little Monster Stole My Smile
by: richersiamon
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Word Count: 510
PD recipients have three strikes against them in the mood-controlling department, the first mentioned above. The second is that we can sometimes wear what is referred to as a 'masked face'. This is not an optional 'mask' they wear, due to the possibility of depression being present. No, it is one of the gifts that Little Monster (aka PD) gives to us. Because of the disease, the PD patient has no control over the facial muscles that have decided to give in and not hold our smiles anymore. So naturally, because the majority of the public hasn't a clue what's going on behind our faces (and some PD'ers I've met), our lack of expression can often be (and believe me, it is) misconstrued as a sign that we are sad or depressed. This is not true.
We have this other part of our brain called the frontal lobe. It is a very important place in the brain that helps to control moods. The problem here is that for PD patients, it is known to be underactive, which gives us the third strike against control over our moods.
I have been asked several times, "Why are you so sad?" or, "Are you depressed?" or, "What's wrong?" I'm not sad. I'm not depressed. In addition, nothing was wrong until I was asked all those questions and then began wondering that maybe something was wrong. Maybe there is something I'm supposed to be sad or depressed over and I just haven't found out about it yet. A surefire way to get someone feeling low (at least, for me) is to tell him or her how 'low' he or she looks. Works every time. It's called the power of suggestion.
I was sitting with a friend the other day, listening to her tell me about things in her life. As far as I knew, nothing had changed in my appearance. She then asked, unexpectedly and interrupting herself, "Are you okay? You look like you're going to cry."
I was fine. However, then I questioned myself. Was I fine? Why do I look so sad to her? Do I feel sad? Am I going to cry? Should I cry? Is there something to cry about that I missed? Alas, after a thorough examination of my brain, I concluded that yes, I was fine. I didn't feel sad, but for reasons beyond my control, I looked sad. I chalked that up to Little Monster stealing my smile.
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